The State of Freedom
A journey of Truth into the mind’s sanctuary
with the destination of inner Freedom.
Α15. The self-blame of the discerning mind.
The mind had once more appealed to the world to find transitory joy. He immediately noticed his mistake and got furious. He demanded from himself not to fall for the umpteenth time into the same trap. Now he blames himself for his carelessness; he does not forgive himself for falling constantly into the nets of the Siren called Vanity like a beginner although he knows from his own experience that, if he receives the satisfaction he expects or if he does not receive it, the damage will be granted in both cases.
He knows that, if he receives it, he will feel joy for a while and as soon as he remains alone he will feel the unbearable distance which he will have created from the center of himself, whereas, if he does not receive it, he will withdraw into his shell, hurt and filled up with anger and stubbornness. Additionally, in both cases self-blame will be the knockout blow, the predictable epilogue of his bad mood.
And, if he carries on with his uncontrolled associations, he will add on the “secondary” self-blame, which says: “Since I have decided to always forgive and treat myself with understanding for his mistakes, why am I as foolish as to blame myself again? All these years have I not yet learned that with the self-flagellation I achieve nothing but burdening myself with use-less guilt feelings and qualms?”