The State of Freedom
A journey of Truth into the mind’s sanctuary
with the destination of inner Freedom.
Α5. The occasion and the true cause of the pain.
Five days later…
While I had relieved writing about the pain which the injustice caused me five days ago and had been glad for my quick freeing from the fury’s nets which drowned me, today at the noon I met face to face this unfair brother, who, obsessed like me by the fear to lose the vested ones, does not care about the value of justice and insists on wronging me.
My mind proved to be unready to confront him. The temporary serenity he had conquered got lost within a few minutes of discussion. The brother was, of course, quarrelsome, sarcastic, arrogant and provocative[1], but this is only the occasion, I know that this is not the true cause. The feeling of injustice, despair and rage obsessed my mind and I talked in a rough way, in which I do not like to talk. I was more annoyed by the defeat of the mind who got to play the game of the immature[2] brother than by the loss of the money which the brother unfairly does not pay me.
Seven hours have passed and I have still the same and even worse feelings, as two more links have been added to the chain which constricts me suffocatingly: the link of sorrow for my incapability to escape from the cyclone of injustice and rage and the link of disappointment about the dark and gloomy future of slavery under the yoke of the stubborn mind, who I am afraid that, by disregarding my need for happiness and underestimating the unique value of the precious gift of life, will be striving for many more years to liberate himself from old unredeemed anguishes in erratic, misguided and wrong ways.
It has become clear to me that the root causes for the pain I undergo are inside me. The “immature scared” brother who upset me is only the occasion. Yesterday was another one, tomorrow will be another one. While the root causes were, are and will be forever the same, inside me, until they cease to exist – I pray for it, may God help me. This realization is very important.
[1] Subsequent remark: Here I have to confess that, while I was writing these characterizations to the brother who had wronged me, I was not objective and detached, but aspired to the moral satisfaction that not only I was wrong but he also was. In a way I “got off”, I eased up, I partially got back at him by exposing these flaws of his in such an absolute way, as if they were objective and indisputable. This was one more sweet indiscernible trap of the ego, into which I let myself fall supposedly by mistake; I say “supposedly”, because the truth is that at some point of the back side of my brain I was seeing my revengeful need to put him down who had devastated my ego beating me crushingly.
[2] Also subsequent remark: Exactly the same comment applies to the use of the word “immature”. The studied placement of each of these words supposedly unintentionally and innocently in the flow of speech is remarkable, as it was done in order to pass the message to every reader (and first of all to my own hurt self, who, in order to hastily reduce his pain, craves to sugarcoat the pill) that my brother maybe beat me, but he was unfair, immature, sarcastic, provocative and arrogant; hence, he is for sure more unhappy than me due to his bad character! The tower of lies is completed with the compassion which I supposedly feel for him for his misery and the prayer I supposedly make for him to realize his mistakes one day, change himself and become a happy person! Squared hypocrisy, in other words, just in order to sugarcoat a pill! I prefer to refrain in the future from such harmful lie trips and accept my defeat humbly. This is simpler and healthier.