Β27. The joy of void and lack of ownership.
When he had first discovered the possibility to not lean upon anything, he felt nostalgic for the “old good times”, when he used to sink himself into numerous kinds of sensual and sentimental dissolution and overindulgence without feeling satiated. That nostalgia caused him sorrow, because he did not have anything to fill the void which the overindulgence left behind by its withdrawal from his life.
That was a hard period for the mind; he felt lost, like a stranger in the world. No matter how many friends, brothers and sisters he had who loved him and were taking care of him, he knew now well that the only thing he could receive from them was but moments of non-essential oblivion within their lap, and nothing more essential than this. His next step in order to find the joy of life again belonged exclusively to him, now that all kinds of overindulgence had been totally demystified.
That was a necessary and inevitable hard period. The power of habit was mighty and the attempts for retrogation to oblivion were also numerous, but all of them stumbled on the feeling of satiation, which instantly appeared every time. “What can I do with so much time, my God?” the mind exclaimed. When he reached the end of his rope, then the time had become ripe, and the works for the erection of the “State of Freedom” commenced in a natural way, unforcingly, as a natural consequence of his desperation, about four months ago.
The construction of the “State of Freedom” covered a big part of the mind’s leisure time. This was an activity which the mind approved, because it served the “wellbeing” of his present and future. Hence, it was an activity in which he was able to immerse for many hours without feeling the relentless satiation of overindulgence which mercilessly interrupted all his erratic attempts to fill the unbearable void.
During the initial time period, the erection works progressed in an atmosphere of warmth and sweetness, which also constituted an attempt to fill the void. However, by exception, this one did not cause the known satiation to the mind, since it bestowed on him inner peace through the cognizance of Truth and not through an attempt for getaway from Truth. At that time, the mind still had an intense need to lean upon and cocoon in the warm and sweet atmosphere which he had created for himself, and he did this then consciously and free from any guilt feeling, as he knew that only in such a ravishing atmosphere would ever be possible for his appetite to open for a systematic inner work.
Now, approximately four months later, the mind feels very well about his then choice. He concedes that this was the only method which could then work. He notices that his disposition has now somewhat changed. Without having been totally eradicated, his need to cocoon in the magic world of writing in order to feel well has certainly diminished considerably. That need has now been, to a large extent, replaced by a deeper reconciliation with the notions of void and lack of ownership. In other words, the mind finds it now easier to bear the idea that none of his old anchors is any longer capable to delude him even for a short time by offering him sweet oblivion.
This important change has apparently occurred for the reason that the second unit of steps for the erection of the “State of Freedom”, which refers to the liberation of the mind from his boundaries, has already almost reached its end. In this stage, the mind is at last able to remain idle for a significant amount of time doing nothing more than surrendering and listening into his breath, the beats of the heart, the energy which gives life to the body in a mysterious and unperceivable way and the universal power of Eros who sees to the coherence of the universe. To wit, he bears the absence of tactile objects of occupation, a situation which some months ago used to drive him mad.
He has now become capable to dedicate himself to notions which he until recently considered as abstract and hence boring, whereas now he has learned to attribute them the importance they deserve, because he practically found that his occupation with them benefits him a lot. Formerly, he used to regard them as dull, but now he has understood that the very gift of his life rests upon these notions. Therefore, he has decided to no longer assume anything as granted and implicit and, instead, appreciate everything as if it were brand new and unprecedented, for only thus can he relish the gift of his life in a corroborated way.
While he learns to focus on and deepen into whatever constitutes the gift of life, he gradually detaches himself from those which used to vainly consume his free time. Thereby, without having especially gone after this, he has learned to enjoy and take pleasure in the void which the lost anchors have left behind. That is to say, he relishes the freedom of lack of ownership.
 The lack of ownership is here meant as the subjective inner in-capacity of the mind to emotionally lean upon what he possesses and not as the objective deprivation of even the essential commodities such as shelter, clothing, food, beloved persons, good health, physical integrity and others. To be blissful even in a state of objective lack of ownership is certainly a much more difficult step on the path to freedom, which I feel to be incapable to take, at least not within the visible future.