The State of Freedom
A journey of Truth into the mind’s sanctuary
with the destination of inner Freedom.
Something is in excess, and something is missing. Mind is in excess, heart is missing. Sorrow and reasonless anxiety are in excess, innocent childish joy is missing, without any calculations and assurances for the future. Future is in excess, present is missing. Many “I want” are in excess, the “I live” is missing. In excess is whatever was from the beginning familiar and easy for me and I therefore dedicated myself to it, until I thought that I am only this and nothing else. Missing is whatever appeared to me as alien and difficult and I therefore avoid it, until it became for me even more alien and difficult. Thus, I became half.
I am glad that I now see it, admit and confess it. I do it from time to time, whenever I am too distressed. The confession softens my inner world. My petrified heart palpitates again.In the rhythm of compassion for the self; and this is very good
This does good to me, I feel it, and it brings relief to me. Whenever I confess, I observe myself in quietness, with no demands, free from war, without being afraid that I shall lose my ego. The confession is an oasis of peacefulness, which takes me for a short while away from the soul-destroying belligerent desert of willing blindness, which denies with stubbornness whatever it does not bear to see.
I take some rest. Iappease. Isettledown. The clamour transmutes intohum. A sweet, distant rumble frames beautifully the scenery of the oasis. It contributes in the warmth, because it does not threaten me any more. On the contrary, I cocoon while hearing the faraway clamour lying down in the oasis of confession. The oasis is the perfect father and mother who will take care of everything for me; inside it I become a carefree child once again, without anyresponsi–bilities to worry about. “I confessed; I did my duty. Now that I have found you, I enjoy your embrace, Oasis of Confession. But, do you know what offers me the most joy? That you are the beginning for my other half, the one I avoided and rejected, because it was alien to me. You are my only hope to stop being half, to stop hating my rejected half due to fear, to become whole, complete and happy of my own accord.”
At last, I breathe in pure air; my ears surrender to the burble of the stream, my eyelids become heavy, exhausted and soothed. I wish that the oasis could last forever, because I am an extremely worn out wayfarer, whose feet constantly stumble in the complicated webs of his mind, which very often nail him in mediocrity and grumbling.
I can see that you have problems,
I prefer to go home,
back to my paternal home,
which is my true nature,
like when I was a child,
to listen again into my body,
feel my flesh and blood
surrender to the heartbeats,
enjoy the flow of life
and cocoon in its warm nest
for as long as it will take
for my wings to open,
forcelessly this time,
and fly free in the world,
to share love and joy
with all my brothers.
if you wish, you may come along with me
and give up your anxieties,
self-pity and guilt feelings,
envy, jealousy and fears
and all other figments
of your agitated fantasy
which torture you in vain.
Whenever you decide it,
you know where you can find me.
I shall be here, living,
devoted to my very Existence.
Until then, I say farewell
and leave you alone.
(inspired by a catchphrase of an enlightened Master:
“Mind, I see that you have problems; I go home”)
 “Compassion” hasnothingtodowithpity. It means “con + passion”, i.e. “I place myself at the position of the other person with spontaneous interest, I feel the pain he feels as if it were my own pain, I am moved and I do immediately whatever I can, for him to stop suffering”. (In this particular case the heart feels compassion for me, not for someone else).
Theverb “I hate” (in Greek: “μισώ”, pronounced as misso) may haveitsoriginintheword “half” (in Greek: “μισό” pronounced as misso, again) and mean “I divide the whole, i.e. all that exist, arbitrarily, based on my personal preferences, into two halves and I classify into the one half all attributes of the whole which I like and into the other half all its attributes which I do not like and loathe”.
Here the rejection is meant as unconscious, nearly reflective refusal to accept whatever complicates me and does not at all refer to the conscious renunciation of harmful habits of the mind, which we shall see later.