Α16. I decide to liberate myself from the self-blame, w.i.t..
Wreck now the repressive mind retreats and leaves me alone at last, tortured he goes to sleep. Lying on my back and surrendered to the psychosomatic exhaustion, I make a second decision, which proved to be an indispensable supplement to the first one.
I shall do whatever it takes
to free myself from the self-blame,
no matter the sacrifices needed,
no matter the cost.
No matter the relapses,
I shall never quit,
for in the whole world
I have no other love as deep
as for the wise Freedom,
the other facet of the beauty Truth.
This second decision is obviously part of the first one, as self-blame is but one of the many deliria of my mind. Yet it is not just any delirium like others are. It is the irremovable double lock at every cell of my prison; this is why the conscious separate decision about this is indispensable, because it is necessary to always start from the second chain, as this one hides the first one and does not allow me access to it as long as it continues to exist.
In other words, a freedom which does not rest on the eradication of self-blame through the path of understanding, compassion and forgiveness of the mind for himself is inconceivable and out of the question. Respectively, a State of Freedom without Squares of Understanding, Compassion and Forgiveness in its center will be but a rickety construction with no solid base, vulnerable for envies, hates and taunting laughs from the self and the whole world.
With these contemplations the mind recovered his inner attitude after seven days of idleness, which, as known, is the mother of all vices. Now he can surrender to the cuddle of the sleep, because all his affairs have been set in order; his tomorrow’s schedule has been determined: he will cultivate the first part of the antidote for self-blame, that is to say understanding. And in order to make understanding deeper, he will mentally travel back to my past, in order to examine the history of my pain and empathize with me regarding my traumatic experiences, with the intention to understand and explain his current mistakes and their regular repetition.
 See footnote of chapter “I decide to liberate myself from the mind, w.i.t.”.