Α18. The mind understands the history of my pain.
After these useful findings I let my mind look up to the painful past and recall particular steps which directed him to his current anxieties. The mind remembers the pain of the rejection from schoolmates, endless hours of loneliness and self-pity, loves which remained unconfessed due to the fear of the woman’s “no”, piles of self-blaming thoughtforms for my unsurpassable timidness, which weighed my chest and choked the throat, when “the day of confession delayed and all remained silent, for the threat of thoughts scared them off and my mind’s slavery oppressed them”.
The mind remembers his fugues to inextricable directions, expecting nothing but the vain oblivion, the immediate cancellation of the unbearable pain which had drowned him. Thousands of evenings spent in a state of stupor while zapping the television; this was a living death within the theoretically best years of my youth, inside the living-room of the pain of the previous generations. The walls around me vomited pain and poison of four generations which permeated my unsuspecting and helpless sofa-ridden body, and the ignorant mind naively thought that all that pain was his own and he believed it, he did not doubt it in the least.
This was the absolute encaging inside the immaterial and imaginary world of the mind. The front door, the gate for the conquest of the desired world, was unlocked, but my convictions took it for locked. Two kilometers farther my wise Master was teaching his disciples how to free themselves. I had also gone there and had listened to him, but he had not provided me with the quick-fix which I was looking for.
The way he proposed to me looked like a rocky and inaccessible mountain to my eyes; hence, from the very first steps I quit the climbing. I definitely preferred the known and familiar quick-fixes, even if all previous trials had miserably failed. I had to do something with myself, I could not bear quietness; I hungered for revel, motion and emotions, vivid-ness, even vain. Only a new crisis of despair after some time brought me again back to my Master. There I rejoiced for a while, tried again, stumbled over the old habits, felt helpless, was soon disappointed and quit again, and so on.
Falling in love was for the mind the most powerful delusion. Every time he fell in love he thought that he had found the meaning of life in a beautiful and sweet woman. He deliberately believed the illogical and kidded himself. Thus, he forgot at once all his sorrow, he dedicated himself totally to his new quick-fix and leeched it voraciously, until either he got bored and abandoned it or the scared girl anticipated to vanish, not bearing the savior’s role anymore. “You cannot receive anything from whomever does not possess anything”, my Master told me once, when my mind directed me tearfully to him for consolation after the break-up of my first long-lasting relationship.
The wise masters, however, do not render such quick-fixes like aimless consolation, no matter how much they may sympathize with their disciples, because they visualize the emergence of their great self-reliant Self, and only this ideal they want to serve and encourage. Now I thank him, even if I was at that time disappointed by his inconvenient and seemingly heartless answer.
These and many other causes of pain have been written down by the mind within his years, handwritten treasures to be treated, inestimable asset, indefeasible hope for a life full of knowledge, peace, power and action.
 A thoughtform is a thought which takes a specific form, that is to say influences and causes changes to the physical world, as it focuses on a specific matter with persistence and intensity, thus obtaining a special power of influence, with positive or negative consequences for both the transmitter and the receiver, depending on whether it is of positive or negative content. In fact, every concrete thought which refers to a specific issue has a power of influence upon the physical world, and hence is a thoughtform.
Wikipedia says about thoughtforms: A thoughtform is a manifestation of mental energy, also known as a tulpa in Tibetan mysticism. Its concept is related to the Western philosophy and practice of magic.
 This is an adaptation of the verses “that day delayed and all were silent, for the threat scared them off and the slavery oppressed them” from the Hymn to Freedom (the national anthem of Greece) of the Greece’s national poet Dionysios Solomos. He referred to the Turkish yoke, which deprived the Greek nation from their political freedom, whereas my mind suffered from his own yoke, which deprived him from the inner freedom. The political freedom required the national confession of the common distress which was to lead to the motto of the Greek partisans “Freedom or Death”, whereas the inner freedom was feasible through the inner confession of the mind’s distress, which led him to the motto “Inner Freedom or Inner Death”.
 Under quick-fix is here meant the hasty outlet from the emotional tension which my mind has learned to always ask for, in order to avoid focusing, struggling, confessing and paining as much as needed for the conquest of the victory.
 Namely, before saying anything else, he told me: “Give me one million drachmas”. I was puzzled. Firstly, I would never ask money from my Master, who gave me so much love and knowledge free of charge, and secondly, I knew that the Master owned no money or other material assets. Anyhow, I asked him for one million, because I was eager to hear his answer. And he, of course, answered me what was self-understood: “I do not have a million”. And he added: “You cannot receive anything from whom does not possess anything” (the well-known biblical phrase, which in Greek is: “Ουκ αν λάβοις παρά του μη έχοντος”). By using this simple example, he explained to me that it is hopeless to expect from the woman to grant me the liberation from every worldly sorrow, as this is something which only I can render to myself, with a long-lasting and methodical internal work.