Α29. The mind takes compassion on me.
The mind condoles with me, he puts himself out to recollect my desperation and my stealthy pain during my hard adolescence, when due to various reasons I learned to take tragically every stricture and taunt from my schoolfellows. Desperate I returned to my home and cried quietly alone, so that my parents would not hear me, every time that I brought along a new psychological trauma from the school.
I wanted in no way to confess my weakness to my parents. I could not bear to be forced to talk to anyone about the cause of my pain. I did not dare to expose myself. I preferred to keep the desperation within myself. I had learned to survive with self-pity and defeatism. This was enough for me. Anything more than this I thought I would not bear, because it was beyond the limits of the image which I had formed for my scared and shrunken self.
The touched mind sees the incidents of that time like a theater play. As a result, a deep will emerges inside him to do his best in order to remove from me all gooey residuals of the then misfortune, complexes which like bloodsuckers stuck on my body still do not allow me to enjoy simply and fearlessly the companion of my brothers. This means compassion: the mind condoles, is moved, feels affection and wants to help, to wit compassionates.
In order to consolidate the compassion for me, his hurt child, and not to forget it, he recalls some more painful incidents: separations, rejections from women and friends, lonesome hours of unjustified self-pity, cases of severe injustice, anxiety and insecurity about the future and many other experiences which made me feel like the poorest and most deplorable person in the world, even if I knew that not far away from me some desperate brothers, hungry due to lack of money even for their food, stood aside, spewed upon and condemned.
There are hundreds of such incidents. The recollection of one of them triggers the recollection of ten more. Thus, the mind realizes that the history of my pain from my childhood until now is indeed worth his compassion, regardless if it seems absurd and reasonless now that his eyes have seen many things and he has philosophized life better.
It was thus confirmed that indeed the remembrances act additively. Namely, they boost the power of compassion and increase the inner momentum of the mind for immediate undertaking of the sacred work of my catharsis from the count-less tentacles which the grief has spread on me and thus tied me tightly all this years. Even during the joys it kept me tied by the fear of loss of the various gladsome objects. I was not even able to enjoy freely.
This ascertains now the mind and thus becomes for good established in the attitude of compassion, a quality which is seated in the Warm and Well-lit Sanatorium of the Heart. The mind understands that the healing power of compassion is beyond boundaries, as it is able to dispel old habits of all kinds, to wit old torturing neuronal synapses of the brain. Hence, he recognizes in the cultivation of compassion his one and only hope to get rid of the obsessive fixations of a lifetime. Therefore, he decides to study the science of compassion methodically and define this study as his foremost priority. He also decides to always use compassion as the frontmost filter, whenever he contemplates on all kinds of thoughts which relate to worldly issues and constantly tend to call forth expectations, worries, fears and anxieties in him.