Α33. The mind accepts himself the way he is.
A few evenings later…
“This is who I am, I have the right to deviate from what I like”, says the mind during the last days many times per day and lets my body unwind, even if inside him or around him the stars collide with uproar. The mind learned to relax amidst the hell; he learned to revoke the haunting idea of paradise, and so he rested. Now that he has understood and forgiven himself, he no longer demands from himself to do or not to do anything. He allows himself to undergo his usual anxieties about worldly matters and is not cast into despair by his insubordination.
The unfulfilled patterns have lost their dominating power; they do not repress him like before. He does not make haste to ease and feel well. He prefers to feel well, while he is uneasy. He seems to have buried the hatchet with his imperfect nature, which has, imprinted in its genes, too much dismay and confusion inherited by his uneasy and insecure ancestors.
It seems now funny to him and at the same time irrational, though as real as his very life, to become angry because somebody slighted his ego. “One moment ago I was calm; how can the annoying behavior of a brother upset me and make me forget my calmness? Why do I have to give by my propensity such a great power to something so ineffectual like a transitory offense which is momentarily launched upon me by somebody who – as it has been many times proven – a few moments later will have forgotten what he said about me and will have waded into something else, unless of course I follow up and answer him?
“I have the right not to answer to the provocations of the outer world. At long last I acknowledge to myself the right to determine myself when I will act, when I will react and when I will stay idle. I do not have the obligation to respond to words, offenses and questions coming from the outer world. I do not even have the obligation to answer to thoughts, fears and anxieties which are born inside the inner world! I always had, still have and will forever have the possibility of choice to answer or not answer according to my judgment and depending on my mood, goals, priorities and personal orientations of any kind.
“By saying ‘not to answer’ I do not only mean, of course, by words. I also mean by thoughts, emotions and deeds and by any other means which could possibly shift me from the inner condition which I have currently consciously chosen for myself, whom I respect, appreciate and minister enough in order to avoid agitating him without an important reason.
“It is much better like this. I feel much quieter. I let the time’s gurgle flow inside myself and immerse myself into it, ignoring the rocks of the coast. If and when I want it, I will take notice of them, and only under the condition that it will be verified in the deepest center of my existence that they are worth the energy I am asked to consume for them.
“Now I am positive that, similarly, all the Saints whom I have personally met or read about their lives, in the same simple, delicate and free way partook of life, labored playing within the world and offered the best part of themselves wholeheartedly wherever there was a need, without that something could touch them deeply and disquiet them.
“One thing is certain and I confess it: that the very moment the coast rocks arise, the emotional strain which they cause me deprives me from the composure and the discrimination needed to judge if they are worth to consume energy for their sake. Therefore, I peacefully eschew the dismay and let the rocks pass and stay behind while I laugh them off and outstrip them. I surrender to the peaceful gurgle of the time, which I have defined as my unique eternal guide.
“For, I do not forget that the time which is given to me is the very paramount gift of life, which I respect, obey and do not waste, not even for a moment and for no reason, regardless how important this reason may seem to me due to the confusion which is born in me by the primordial, ancestral delusion of deficiency. I have time, because the gift of life has been given to me. Life is an opportunity for knowledge, freedom, joy, playing. The time which is given to me is also an opportunity for knowledge, freedom, joy, playing. Hence, my time is my life and my life is my time. These two goods are absolutely identical for me. Therefore, I respect, tend and utilize my time in the best possible way, with devotion, as the most valuable gift which has been ever given to me, because my time is as valuable as my very life, since my time is my life.
At this point I find it useful to explain for which reason I believe that this delusion of deficiency which dominates my mind is primordial and ancestral: because I assume that it was exactly the same delusion of deficiency which bore in Adam’s mind the curiosity to see which additional joy is to be found in the enjoyment of the forbidden fruit, even though he was already living in the Paradise enjoying all its joys. As a result, it seems that the delusion of deficiency caused anxieties to all my brothers-ancestors with no exception, since it prevailed over the mind of even the oldest of all my brothers, Adam, who without a fight gave in to the temptation to which his sister Eve had exposed him, by convincing him that within an apple there can be an even richer paradisal joy than the joy which they already experienced in the paradise itself!
This is how Adam committed the so-called “ancestral sin”. The very word “sin” denotes the delusion of deficiency, that is to say non-completeness: the word “sin” probably originates from the Latin word “sine”, which means “without”. From this we can assume that the word “sin” originally did not have the ethical meaning which our fears and our bad religious education incorrectly attributed to it. It seems that the original meaning of the word referred to a deed to which we are led when we think that we are not complete by ourselves because we are “without” something which we by error consider as substantial and absolutely necessary in order for us to become complete, and thus we hope to find by this deed the joy which we think that we do not already have within ourselves.
Therefore, I should not wonder why no conquered success and no obtained acquisition, no matter how much I had longed for it, has yet managed to relieve me for good from the anxiety generated in me by this delusion of deficiency, which my mind has believed for true.
 This interpretation of the word “sin” probably cannot be confirmed scientifically. However, because it helps my mind to exonerate himself, he embraces it totally. Any philological mistake is of no value in comparison to the substantial benefit of the acquittal and the acceptance of himself which the mind derives from this interpretation.
Additional note: An equivalent interpretation applies also for the Greek word for sin “αμαρτία”, which can hardly be a coincidence. Namely, “αμαρτία” could possibly originate from “αν μη άρτιος”, as my Master used to say (which means “if not complete”). To wit, whoever does not feel to be complete, commits sins in his futile attempt to complete himself with worldly goods.