The State of Freedom
A journey of Truth into the mind’s sanctuary
with the destination of inner Freedom.
Β21. The mind gives up the misery of my ancestors.
While the mind was poring over his expectations, demands and anxieties, his genitors came to his mind associatively, to wit my parents, who also used to very often have the same expectations, demands and anxieties during their lifetimes. A significant portion of their expectations which they did not manage to fulfill by themselves they conveyed to their children either consciously or unconsciously. The same applies for their demands.
In the same manner in which they had been used to demand from themselves to be perfect in order to fulfill their expectations, thus they were also used to demand from me to be absolutely compatible with their standards, to make no mis-takes and prove to be successful in all sectors of life. In other words, like most parents in the world, without realizing it, they used me, falsely thinking that my perfectness, soundness and adequacy would make them happier than how happy they managed to become by themselves.
This attitude of theirs resulted in the fact that the script of their inner life was identically replayed also in my own life. By seeing, while they admonished me, a great hope and anxiety imprinted in the faces of my parents, who were my two main models, I was also trained to take things too seriously and be extremely grieved by my failures and become deeply disappointed like they used to feel, and rejoice unduly for my achievements and pride myself over them and show them off up to the point of silliness.
The mind just saw retrospectively how he used to headlong imitate my stressed parents with his various behaviors which were motivated by expectations and demands conveyed to him by them. He realized that this is an absolute and devastating truth:
There is no expectation, demand and anxiety of his which his parents did not also have! He was able to alter their expectations, demands and anxieties only sparsely and in an insignificant degree.
That is to say, if he had been as lucky as to have two en-lightened sages as parents, he would also have been trained to not pay attention to his own expectations and demands and not be anxious about whether they will be fulfilled or not. This finding constitutes for the mind an important and hopeful revelation, because it proves to him that:
This imperfect thing that he is today does not constitute his one and only nature but is only that particular part of his nature which was encouraged by his family environment to manifest.
The mind acknowledges the absolute ignorance of his parents and absolves them from any responsibility lays no blame on them. The formation of their characters was also due to their own parents. Exactly the same expectations, demands and anxieties had also my grandfathers and grandmothers, having inherited them from their own parents as well. Following this chain reasoning from every ancestral generation to the previous one, the mind comes to the logical conclusion that the whole problem is to be dated to the first created humans.
The original cause of the problem is not to find in the very fact that Eve gave the apple to Adam and he ate it, as this was certainly about to happen sooner or later: even if there was no apple, another Siren would come up for sure. The real cause is the fact that their creator, for his own unknown reasons, saw to make their nature such as to think that there is deficiency and therefore to be appealed by worldly temptations and yield them. As a result, there is no question of responsibility of anybody, and all my ancestors with no exception are worth my compassion for their desolation and not my rage for the harm they unwittingly did to me.
It is needless to say that their physical death cannot liberate me, because all my cells are but derivatives of the first two cells, that is to say the ovum of my mother and the sperm of my father, and hence carry inside them all the expectation of my parents for happiness and, by extension, with the same reasoning, of all my ancestors, and mainly the male ones, who due to the same sex used to have the same expectations with me. All my cells utter their own despaired scream of agony:
“Succeed in what we failed; find the happiness we did not meet; become worthy, so as to distinguish yourself in the society and be admired by all women who ignored us and be adored by people, so as to save them. Dare whatever we did not dare and taste the delights we did not dare or did not manage to taste. Accumulate the virtue which we disregarded due to our hard headed mind. Become a compassionate saint. Become our pride and joy, as we want so much to have to say that we finally developed a saint in our family. Become eminent; do not remain in obscurity and mediocrity like we did. Do all these so as to justify and redeem us, because we never died, we still live inside you and wait, we are you; we are your very cells. It is your debt to save us, for we gave you life; without us you do not exist. You must pay us back for the sacrifices we did for you. Become perfect, wise, adorable and liberated. Restore our value to save us!”
What is now important for the mind is to forgive and lovingly abandon the expectations of his ancestors, quit their demands and become liberated from their anxieties which like claws hold him constantly bound hand and foot by the same familiar persistent, obsessive, pestering and self-reproducing ideas. With much love and understanding he starts the work of quitting this damaging inner heritage, which is imprinted inside his cells and incessantly screams.
In the course of this work he will try various methods: Initially, he focuses on the center of his self and withdraws there. Every time that a tormenting thought leaps out he identifies it as a hangover from his ancestors and agitates my body for as long as necessary to shake it off, like dogs do when they come out from water. Some other times, he shatters it inside his head by rubbing it mightily with both hands; he mentally splinters it into a dust consisting of granules of atomic dimensions, which are then easily absorbed by the blood, filtered out by the kidneys and expelled with the urine and the sweat as a toxin. And some other times, he burns it inside my brain by exposing it to the light of the imaginable inner sun, and the blood receives the product of the burn, the ash, and conveys it to the alveoli of the lungs, from where it is breathed out by the natural gas exchange which takes place during respiration.
The mind now realizes that all my cells are permeated, burdened and poisoned by the viscous, gooey and gluey substance of the unfulfilled expectation and, at the same time, hardened by the splintered rocks of the unsatisfied demands which I have inherited from my ancestors and which by their glue and weight do not allow me to fly out of joy, become liberated and play like a carefree small child with my brothers within this marvelous world.
The mind sees this unpleasant situation and the undeserved splurge of the gift of life and, therefore, compassionately drags in a minimal quantity of the white, transparent and crystal cosmic light of billions of stars of the universe into the head. He lets it spread into my whole body, without neglecting any part of it, and leaves it there to burn and melt the hardness and dissolve the viscous gooey substance. Thus, this begins to become thinner and thinner, and the mind goes on sending the cosmic light of the stars to all my cells, until the viscous substance becomes so diluted that it is practically equal to inexistent. What only remains then is the nearly null and not traceable quantity which is necessary for my body to be vaccinated with the old gluey goo of expectations and the rough and hard clotty sand of demands, so as to become immune to them and not get sick again whenever they reappear in the form of thoughts and emotions.
While I run in the parkland, I let my body loose, the legs and arms moving like marionettes on a theater stage. Thus, each stride freely transfers its movement to my whole loose body. This helps the mind accomplish his work, because each new vibration deriving from the feet causes a wave which is freely transferred to the whole body and sweeps off parts of the broken crust and the diluted viscous essence, thus bearing them down into the Mother Earth. Inside the Earth the wave fades down and leaves in her the needless refuse of the past of my whole genealogical tree.
And she, the Mother Earth, being a compassionate womb of limitless dimensions and a perfect natural filter, accepts it all within herself, forgives, digests and assimilates it totally. Thus, she transmutes it again into soil, stone and water, free from any human burden of haunting thoughts and many genera-tions’ misfortune. She assimilates the needless refuse of the past of my whole genealogical tree in the same perfect way in which she also assimilates toxic refuse with material sub-stance laid on her by humans due to industrial production, which she anew transmutes into health and life thanks to her magical physicochemical mechanisms.
Rinsing with water also helps a lot, either in the sea or with the shower in the bathroom. By its momentum, the cold water carries away and rinses the crap from the skin and from the mind, opens the pores and renders me with vivacity and well-being.
This good world
which has been patched thousands of times
sew and unravel it, sew and unravel it,
so as to never want for work, work, work
This good world
used to belong to others
laugh my friend, laugh my friend
it is not, it is not, it is not to pity
This good world
was handed down to us
run my friend, run my friend
and don’t, and don’t, and don’t take it heavily
This good world
is awaited by others
think my friend, think my friend
Music: Stavros Xarchakos
Original performance: Nikos Xylouris
 Who am I to judge and absolve my parents from the responsibility? I do not consider that they ever had any responsibility. Hence, it is misguided to think that it is for me or for somebody else to absolve them from it. I concede that also they, like all of us, committed their mistakes due to ignorance and because of inner psychological pressures and not out of bad intention. Thereby, I cease to lay the blame on whom is not to blame, just in order to transfer my responsibility for my own problems to others (After all, I am also not to blame, for the same reason why my parents are not to blame.)
 This is what the aching yet wise brother Nikos Kazantzakis taught me with his “Ascetic”, and I thank him cordially for this, because he revealed to me that the stifling cobweb of my mind is not exclusively my creation, and this gave me great relief. By the way, for the sake of history I mention that the “Ascetic” was the spark that provided me with the initial inspiration to start writing my “State of Freedom”. That’s why the vein of my writing has been at some points influenced by his unique turn of phrase.